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Post by DareynnCainPayne on Oct 26, 2011 20:21:54 GMT -6
i AM NOT a whore [/color] but i like to DO IT [/font] Dareynn turned his head toward the boy slowly as he studied the picture, navy eyes watching carefully for a reaction. When Kallen admitted to knowing her, Dareynn almost dropped the picture. So she was alive. Or…at least, she had been alive a few years ago. “She’s…” He paused, not too willing to give out information about his personal life. It wasn’t really any of Kallen’s business. “I don’t know who she is, really… I don’t even know her name… She was nice to me when I was a kid.”
Drawing his hand back, the dark-haired teen slipped the picture back into the pocket and fixed his jeans, hand unconsciously running over his shin near where the picture was. He leaned back against the wall again, legs still pulled up. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, extending his arm to tap the ashes into a small tin that sat near the candles. “I wish I knew.” The last comment was more to himself than to Kallen. He couldn’t help but be jealous of the boy.
Perhaps in his mind he had idolized the woman because she had been kind to him a handful of times; she might not be as kind as he thought she was at all. For all he knew, she could have been horrible to everyone else. But that didn’t really matter to him; she’d helped him when he had been too young to help himself, when he’d been scared to do so. She’d saved him. The boy took a long drag from the cigarette, eyes closing as he exhaled slowly, the smoke pouring out of his mouth in one great torrent. “She’s the first person I remember. I was…five? Six? I don’t know. I only knew her for six years. She disappeared one night.” His short explanation made her sound a lot worse than she really was, but he wasn’t about to explain to this kid how he’d been tortured and beaten up and thrown onto the street at such a young age to sell himself. Hell, even his therapist didn’t get to hear that. The knowledge was his and his alone, and it was nobody else’s business how he had lived his life before they’d caught him from the streets because he’d been running from him.
At least he can’t get to me in here, Dareynn thought absently, taking one last drag on the cigarette before it was all but gone. He put it out like he had the last one, pressing the butt into his wrist before setting the still-smoking piece of trash on the tin he had used to tap off his ashes.
[/size] Tag’d;; Kallen Character Spewage;; 441 Verses;; I am not a Whore Coverings;; ^ Up there Scrawlings;; Gaaaaaaah © Cujo;;
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Post by KallenAerinSilverflight on Oct 27, 2011 19:38:37 GMT -6
KALLENaerinSILVERFLIGHT [/size] i feel it deep within/it’s just beneath the skin\i keep it caged, but i can’t control it [/size][/center] ~~~ [/color][/size][/b] "Sounds tough." Kallen didn't know what else to say. He wasn't good in these situations, he wasn't good at sympathizing with people like this. He wasn't good at much of anything, when it came down to it.
Kallen couldn't help but look at Dareynn again, at his face, at the way his hair fell and even the line of is nose. It was all so familiar and strange. It was like looking at himself from someone else's eyes, with the exception of the blue eyes and style. How was it possible for someone to look so similar? Did this mean that there were other people in the world that looked just like them? Was uniqueness something people believed they could be, but would always fail at? What if there was always a copy of you somewhere, but your chances of meeting them were so slim that it rarely happened? So how did it happen that such meetings occurred at all?
Kallen didn't care. But it was something to think about.
"How did we manage to do this?" Kallen asked. Realizing he was being unclear, he continued, "How often do you find someone who looks so similar to you? That came from the same place, or is the same age?" Kallen realized he sounded dumb and stopped talking. But he had a point, he thought. It was weird.
Kallen felt a little awkward, suddenly, sitting alone with this boy he hardly knew in a shed he'd chanced to find. He walked away from Dareynn, running a hand through his hair, making the front stick up funny, but he didn't fix it. This was weird and awkward and he didn't know what to do, but he didn't feel like he could leave. [/color] ~~~ [/color][/size][/b] so stay away from me, the beast is ugly. [/size] I Feel Like A Monster [/color] ... [/color] :Words:290 :Notes:Dumb dumb dumb dumb :Credited:Monster~Skillet :Other:Dumb and awkward and I hate it. >.<
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Post by DareynnCainPayne on Dec 21, 2012 17:06:58 GMT -6
i AM NOT a whore [/color] but i like to DO IT [/font] Dareynn shrugged. "I'm used to it," he said. And he was. He had been upset at first, not having her around to talk to or to be comforted by. But time had passed and he'd gotten tougher. He hadn't talked to anyone about his feelings like he had with her. That's what The Boss had wanted out of him in the end, anyway. He'd told Dareynn one night shortly after he disappeared that getting stronger--emotionally or physically, Dareynn hadn't really known which--was necessary. So the young boy had done both. Despite his scrawny figure he was able to hold his own in a fight, and he had learned to ignore his emotions, or at least hide them.
The sting on his wrist from the cigarette was dull enough to be ignored, forgotten even, as Kallen asked the question Dareynn had been thinking about. "I don't know," he said carefully, his shoulders moving up and down in an almost imperceptible shrug. "It's gotta be like...a once-in-a-lifetime thing, you know?" He half-smiled, feeling like they should be somewhat proud of it. Sure, they'd met in what was, in all respects, a mental hospital, but...hey, they'd still done it.
He scratched an itch on his arm, glancing around. "You mind me askin' what you're here for?" He asked the question without looking at the other, knowing most of the people here didn't like to talk about why they were committed. At least, not in Dareynn's experience. A few people had punched him for asking. Another girl had just burst into tears and run away. He hoped Kallen would be one of the ones who punched him, if those were the only two options. Dareynn didn't deal with crying people well.
[/size] Tag’d;; Kallen Character Spewage;; 289 Verses;; I am not a Whore Coverings;; ^ Up there Scrawlings;; So yeah. This is me, remembering this exists. © Cujo;;
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Post by KallenAerinSilverflight on Dec 21, 2012 20:47:33 GMT -6
KALLENaerinSILVERFLIGHT [/size] i feel it deep within/it’s just beneath the skin\i keep it caged, but i can’t control it [/size][/center] ~~~ [/color][/size][/b] Kallen's eyes fell immediately to the floor at the question; too many times people had been curious about how he'd landed himself in a place like this, and too many times it had thrown him into a swirl of memories and pain that he couldn't find his way out of. Images flashed behind his eyes: sparkling blues eyes begging him to stop; blood gushing from the warm body under him, staining his hands; water running pink as he tried to wash it off, but he couldn't get it off, it wouldn't come off...
'Please, please Kallen, stop, please!' But he continues, throwing the knife down again and again, tearing and slashing and stabbing. He watches the blade sink deep, again and again. He'd tried to hard, but now he's had enough. He won't take this anymore.
"No." Kallen's fingers pulled at the black hair and then pushed it away from his face, a nervous gesture that he wasn't aware of. The memories flashed in front of him, and he couldn't get out of them, they just kept going. "Stop." His voice was the barest of whispers, a groan that he couldn't keep inside himself.
The light dies out of her eyes and Kallen is upset, but the anger he still feels overrides the pain of his first kill. He looks around at the people in the room as he kneels over the now dead girl with the once sparkling blue eyes, now dull and empty. The people around him back away, and one of the screams as he stares. He stands and stares at them, at the blood on his hands, and he realizes what he's done. His mood shifts suddenly to terror. He stares at the red puddle on the floor, at the fear on his foster parents' faces. And he runs.
No no no. Kallen shook his head and stared at the floor blankly, fighting desperately. He didn't want to get lost. He wouldn't get lost.
"I killed her." His words were a choked gasp as he lapsed back into memories.
Kallen stares at his hands, at the blood, at the people and their horrified faces. He just killed her. He killed her. He steps forward, but they all back away from him. He can hear someone frantically begging the police to come before he hurts someone else. The knife falls from his hand. 'I killed her.' The babysitter nods, and she can't hide the terror in her eyes, but she steps slowly towards him. She kicks the knife away from him as she wraps her arms around him, rubbing his back. She assures him that everything will be okay, and she continues to say that as the police put handcuffs on his wrists and haul him into the police car.
Kallen took several deep breaths and realized he was on the floor, his head in his hands, his hair knotted around his fingers. He had been doing so well at holding them back, he'd thought he was over it. Apparently not. He glanced up at the boy in the room with him, but as soon as he let his attention wander he flashed back to the day, the place... He dug his nails into his leg and felt relief at the momentary clarity that gave him. He didn't remember that part. He didn't remember the woman from the picture being there when it had happened. He didn't remember ever seeing her again after those wonderful few weeks. He frowned and stared at the floor, thoughts running through his mind that he couldn't quite grasp. Had she been around? Had he known her better than he remembered? Why did she appear in that flashback if she hadn't been there? Why couldn't he remember that ever happening?
Who was this boy, really? And why did he bring out the worst of his memories? Nothing that bad had happened in quite a while, especially not adding another whole scene that he couldn't remember actually happening. His memories jumped from the murder to sitting in a jail cell when the funeral had been happening.
"Who was she?" Kallen asked after a few minutes, staring at the blood dripping down his calf. "The one in your picture?" He was proud, somewhere in the depths of his sick, twisted mind, of how calm his voice sounded. But mostly he was disconnected, attempting to keep his brain in the here and now instead of the horrifying then. [/color] ~~~ [/color][/size][/b] so stay away from me, the beast is ugly. [/size] I Feel Like A Monster [/color] ... [/color] :Words:743 :Notes:I apologize for there not being much interaction in this post. >.< :Credited:Monster~Skillet :Other:It's hard to get into this Kallen's brain again... XP
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Post by DareynnCainPayne on Dec 21, 2012 21:16:39 GMT -6
i AM NOT a whore [/color] but i like to DO IT [/font] Watching his look-alike all but collapse onto the floor was something Dareynn hadn't quite been expecting. Should he do something? Maybe I should stop asking people that question, Dareynn thought, also thinking that he would have much preferred the usual bruise-inducing punch. At least that was expected.
He took a slow breath, watching the other boy carefully. He was yanking at his hair, caught up in whatever it was he seemed to be thinking. He choked out "I killed her" then, and Dareynn felt goosebumps raise on his arms. A murderer? He was alone, in an abandoned shed far from any wardens or groundkeepers or even patients, with a murderer?
Not that this should have unnerved him. He'd grown up with murderers, arsonists, and thieves, and prostitutes. He was one of them, even. Well. Not a murderer. He didn't have the heart to kill anyone. Sure, he'd injured people before, but that was for his own safety. He'd knocked out a rapist once, a guy that had just drug him by the hair into a dark alley, clearly intending to do whatever he wanted to Dareynn. But the violence that had ensued from that had all been for personal protection. The way Kallen reacted, his act of violence...hadn't been that way. At least, Dareynn had a hunch that it wasn't.
He shifted his weight, hands skimming over his pockets in search of another cigarette. Empty. He'd have to find the warden soon, or Ivan. He needed the nicotine. Sure, he'd just finished a cigarette, but...still. He needed it. The fact that he had none didn't help the craving. If anything, that only made it stronger.
When Kallen spoke again, Dareynn forced himself to kneel down next to him. "I don't know," he admitted quietly. "She never really told me. I didn't ask." He hadn't really been in the place to ask questions; most of the time, if he had asked questions, it resulted with him earning a few new bruises or cuts and a major headache, with a reminder not to ask anything again. Most of the time he could remember questions were forbidden, especially questions about the people there. Sometimes, though, he had forgotten. It only took two or three times of forgetting to make sure he had never forgotten again. He still wasn't usually one to ask questions. It had only been within the past week or so that he had really convinced himself he wasn't going to get killed for asking a question.
"I wish I remembered more." And it was true. Dareynn hated the holes in his memory, the times when he'd been blacked out or times he had just repressed because they were too hard to think about. And then there was all the loveliness that came with the eating disorder, the "earn-your-food-or-you-don't-get-to-eat" motto he had been forced to live by for years. Missing so many meals made for quite the wreck of a human body: a bad memory, too many bones showing, dizziness upon quick movement, painful, irregular heartbeats on occasion. Did Dareynn want to be this way? No. Had he chosen to be this way? No. Could he fix it? No.
"Are you all right?" It was a stupid question, really, one Dareynn could have kicked himself for. Why had he asked something so stupid? Of course Kallen wasn't all right. Just shut up, Dareynn thought to himself. Just stop talking. You sound like a dumbass.
[/size] Tag’d;; Kallen Character Spewage;; 573 Verses;; I am not a Whore Coverings;; ^ Up there Scrawlings;; That's a better length. =P © Cujo;;
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